Applying college dorm energy to your local adult friendships
Do you remember when you first got to college? The excitement of meeting your roommate for the first time. Your floormates, who you may or may not have had much in common with, all sharing in this new experience together. And before you knew it, many become your close friends, for the next four years, or even for life.
I have to admit, I missed out partly on those initial bonds. I was so intent to hang on to many of my high school relationships, I would spend hours every week writing emails to old friends, compiling a newsletter “The Chuck Report” of random things that people would send me about their lives. These were precious hours that could have been spent forging new friendships with the people I’d spend a year living with.
(If you are reading this and entering college, put down your phone as much as you can and spend time with your dormmates)
When my wife (at the time) and I moved to our apartment in Long Island City in 2009, we had a similar experience to moving into a college dorm. It was a new building, so many of us moved in the same month. Most people were aged 25 - 35. We also had a Google Group where we had started getting to know one another virtually during the construction. We all recognize it was a special time in our lives.
That lesson should have stuck with me when I moved to Miami. But with the growth of social media and smartphones, I spent a disproportionate amount of time following and staying in touch with people who I couldn’t actually see. Or in many cases, I was just not putting in the extra effort to make plans with locals, or value what it could it mean for my happiness. I was also tremendously occupied with my work.
Time displacement theory is very real, and we need to recognize that if we’re dedicating our time to X, we’re not doing Y (It’s a pretty obvious theory). But that Y, could be something important, like establishing roots where we live and building a new support network.
I finally recognized after moving to Brickell, that I needed to somewhat start over. I was a single dad, and instead of just looking for a new romantic partner, I wanted friends who made me laugh and could easily meet up with in the area. I started Brickell Tech Tuesday to meet other locals, I got involved in some local advocacy efforts, and most importantly, I took time to follow up with people with whom I felt a connection (with the assistance of FriendApp). I am pleased with the direction that things are headed, though I’ve learned to accept that people are going to come in and out of our lives as life happens.
Miami is full of newcomers, and many of us are still navigating what that means. And what we’re seeing in Miami is taking place in many cities across the country, and around the world. There are many individuals who do not know where to start, don’t want to make the effort, or even realize the value that a local group could add to their lives.
There are many similarities between college dorm friendships and friendships in a new neighborhood. Both come with a fresh start to meet new people trying to find their way. But there are some added hurdles to making friends as an adult. People have less free time than they did in college, and many neighbors are already set in their routines. You may just need to prepare yourself to be more open-minded, take risks, and be persistent.
I hope this helps you reflect on how you approach your local friendships, and perhaps you can harness some of that College Dorm Energy (CDE) as an adult.
"The best way to make new friends is to be a good friend." - Dale Carnegie
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I would love to add some more quotes to the article and get your thoughts on the college dorm room friendships you made, or how your experience has been making friends in your new neighborhood.
Feel free to write me at chuck@friendapp.com and share your thoughts, or leave a comment below.
